Moving to Titan

There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to take a stand on something. What that something may be is irrelevant; the point is to take a stand. NOTE: Standing on one foot does not equate to taking a stand. Anyway, I have at various times, called the mayor "Fats", gave up eating chives on Wednesdays in protest against something or other, smoked pot for the revolution, wore a black beret and called myself "Che", stopped wearing underwear, and other such revolutionary activities -- typical of a petit-bourgeois at heart.

However, I have now decided to make take the ultimate stand -- I am moving to Saturn’s moon, Titan, soon. I am not sure what I am taking a stand against -- but it's all good. It must be a worthwhile cause, hence this is a proactive stance in anticipation of a just cause, however unknown.

In fact, I have written a song about it. Sing along with me (use a Rap beat):
I might be moving to Titan soon, to become a dental floss tycoon. BOOM BOOM BAPA BOOM BOOM (Heavy bass lines) Will sit in my methane cocoon, BOOM BOOM BAPA BOOM BOOM, thinking what a fool they are BOOM BOOM BAPA BOOM BOOM staying there on the earth below, BOOM BOOM BAPA BOOM BOOM , no orange Titan methane skies BOOM BOOM BAPA BOOM BOOM Titan is ma home alone two.

I will admit that living in -192 degree temperatures sounds a little cold -- but I will light a fire and ignite all of the methane in the atmosphere. That will light the sky and make a statement for the unknown cause I support.

An ode to a cause unknown:

Oh cause unknown, had I known you, I know I would have followed your call, however unknown, cause unknown... (here you get on one knee and touch your heart with your right hand and your forehead with your left hand) Yet I dearly wept for not knowing you, but I did not know that I did not know you... but I realized that I did not know you because you were unknown, you know?

A Known Cause

Rest undisturbed and alas, teach Homeless with a Laptop, That is my Name. He has a most intelligent nature. Even when quite little he amused himself at home with making houses, carving boats, constructing little chariots of leather, and understood wonderfully how to make frogs out of pomegranate rinds. Teach Homeless with a Laptop, That is my Name both methods of reasoning, the strong and also the weak, which by false arguments triumphs over the strong; if not the two, at least the false, and that in every possible way.

An Unknown Cause

The Just and Unjust Discourse themselves shall instruct him. I shall leave you.

JUST DISCOURSE
Come here! Shameless as you may be, will you dare to show your face to the bloggers?

UNJUST DISCOURSE
Take me where you will. I seek a throng, so that I may the better annihilate you.

JUST DISCOURSE
Annihilate me! Do you forget who you are?

UNJUST DISCOURSE
I am Reasoning.

JUST DISCOURSE
Yes, the weaker Reasoning."

UNJUST DISCOURSE
But I triumph over you, who claim to be the stronger.

JUST DISCOURSE
By what cunning shifts, pray?

UNJUST DISCOURSE
By the invention of new maxims.

JUST DISCOURSE
.... which are received with favour by these fools.
He points to the readers of this page.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
Say rather, by these wise men.

JUST DISCOURSE
I am going to destroy you mercilessly.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
How pray? Let us see you do it.

JUST DISCOURSE
By saying what is true.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
I shall retort and shall very soon have the better of you. First, maintain that justice has no existence.

JUST DISCOURSE
Has no existence?

UNJUST DISCOURSE
No existence! Why, where is it?

JUST DISCOURSE
With the gods.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
How then, if justice exists, was Zeus not put to death for having put his father in chains?

JUST DISCOURSE
Bah! this is enough to turn my stomach! A basin, quick!

UNJUST DISCOURSE
You are an old driveller and stupid withal.

JUST DISCOURSE
And you a degenerate and shameless fellow.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
Hah! What sweet expressions!

JUST DISCOURSE
An impious buffoon.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
You crown me with roses and with lilies.

JUST DISCOURSE
A parricide.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
Why, you shower gold upon me.

JUST DISCOURSE
Formerly it was a hailstorm of blows.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
I deck myself with your abuse.

JUST DISCOURSE
What impudence!

UNJUST DISCOURSE
What tomfoolery!

JUST DISCOURSE
It is because of you that the youth no longer attends the schools. The readers of this blog [if any] will soon recognize what lessons you teach those who are fools enough to believe you.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
You are overwhelmed with wretchedness.

JUST DISCOURSE
And you, you prosper. Yet you were poor when you said, "I am the knower of all things," and used to stuff your wallet with maxims of Kim Kardashian and Charlie Sheen to nibble at.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
Oh! the beautiful wisdom, of which you are now boasting!

JUST DISCOURSE
Madman! But yet madder the city that keeps you, you, the corrupter of its youth!

UNJUST DISCOURSE
It is not you who will teach Homeless with a Laptop, That is my Name; you are as old and out of date as Larry King.

JUST DISCOURSE
Nay, it will certainly be I, if he does not wish to be lost and to practice verbosity only.

UNJUST DISCOURSE
Homeless with a Laptop, That is my Name is as confused as Glen. Wait... Homeless with a Laptop, That is my Name is Glen, and Glen is Gonzalo according to the fax machine...

Oh well, back to planning my trip to Titan... Yep, I will ride the rainbow on my magic carpet. By the way, you cannot throw cigarette butts out of my magic carpet ride.

Good night, y'all. Come back now, hear?

"Here's how... I know how." Shemp Howard